“Strong But Tired”: The Myth of the Resilient Woman

“Strong But Tired”: The Myth of the Resilient Woman

There’s a phrase I hear too often in therapy sessions with women: “I’m strong, I’ll get through it.” It sounds empowering, at first. But behind those words often lies exhaustion, suppression, and a deep yearning to be cared for, not admired.

The Cultural Trap of "Strong"

In many cultures, strength is considered a virtue, especially for women of color, single mothers, first-born daughters, or professionals in male-dominated industries. The "strong woman" archetype is upheld in media and self-help language alike. But what if our cultural celebration of resilience has become a covert mechanism to excuse neglect and silence suffering?

Strength is not inherently bad. But when it becomes a mask or a method of survival that overrides emotional needs, it begins to harm. Resilience should not be synonymous with self-abandonment.

What Are We Really Praising?

When society says, "Look how strong she is," we often mean, "Look how much pain she can tolerate without asking for help." That’s not a compliment. That’s a concern.

Research from the American Psychological Association (2020) reveals that women who internalize high expectations of resilience report higher rates of anxiety, somatic complaints, and emotional disconnection.

From Survival to Integration

True strength isn’t about pushing through everything. It’s about knowing when to pause, ask for help, set boundaries, and sit with vulnerability. Integration means allowing your competent, capable parts to coexist with your tender, tired, and uncertain parts , without shame.

What do you believe would happen if you stopped being strong for a week? Who or what might disappoint you?

Therapeutic Insight: Often, what we call "strength" is an attachment adaptation. Explore what role it served in your early relationships. Did being "strong" get you attention, approval, or survival?